Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in a loop. Thinking, feeling, analyzing, imploding. We go deep inside to try to understand why we are like we are, why we feel what we feel, why we hurt where we hurt. We shine the light on the parts of us covered in cobwebs. We make our way through this room that has not been opened and dusted for years, picking up memories and examining them, like one might pick up old photos, yellowed from the years and covered with a film of dust. We blow the dust off these memories, and sometimes this makes us sad or angry, other times this helps us understand, sometimes this makes us to smile.
While journeying inside can be helpful, sometimes it may be too big of an endeavor to take alone. We may find ourselves jumping around inside of us, as we try to stitch our experiences together, even as we try to stitch ourselves. In these times, it is wise to remember that no man or woman is an island. What we may need is to talk to a trusted person about our thoughts, worries, or troubles.
When we choose to open up and bare our hearts, we need to be wise about choosing our confidantes. As Sonja Lyubomirsky writes in The How of Happiness:
…he or she must be able to think objectively, not make you feel even worse or end up ruminating aloud with you.
So, we need to choose with care. We need to choose someone who can listen, who can help, who can give perspective, who’s got our back.
And when we have such people, it’s important to be respectful of them and their generosity, and make sure we’re not overburdening them with our troubles, and wearing them out. We need to let them help bring us out into the sun but be wary of bringing them into the darkness.